No man's land.
We've been there.
It took me by surprise the first time it happened.
I got the call that birth mother had relinquished her parental rights.
I cried.
Then I got the paperwork and cried some more.
Our child was a "ward of the state".
Orphan.
With no one.
As hard as foster parenting is, somehow knowing that birth parents were still in the picture was better than no man's land.
That day, I was overwhelmed with sadness for what this mother had done.
What she had given up.
For her child. For my child. For our child. Hers and Mine.
Everyone told me I would be "happy" because the child was now free for adoption.
On the outside I was, of course.
Moving forward is good. Being a foster child is not good.
But there is no gain without some loss.
I remember introducing her (still quite young) and people telling her how lucky she was to be adopted into our family.
You wouldn't have seen it, but I did.
The shadow of confusion that went across her face, a split second.
Yes, of course she was happy. But she was filled with sorrow, too.
Because gaining a new life means loosing the old one, even if it isn't so good.
That's how I am feeling about Joshua today.
I am sad that he has to give up EVERYTHING to be part of our family.
The onus is on him to change.
He has to learn our language. (We have Chinese word charts on the wall.)
He has to eat our food. (We like Chinese food but it's not the same.)
He has to adapt. (We only have to make another place at the table.)
He will have a family. (Not an institution.)
He will have the best medical care available. (Not limited by status.)
He will know the Savior. (And have eternal life if he chooses to embrace the Hope.)
There is no gain without some loss.
Thank you, Jesus, for giving your life so that we might have ours.
So true.....losses are soo hard and some don't even think about it, but it is hard not to.....
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you on this! Many people are so confused when these children are sad, missing their old life, or even unhappy at times. The unknown is scary!!! In our opinion (and probably in reality) what we have to offer is better. To them it is scary and different! Praying for Joshua and your entire family!
ReplyDeleteI thought you might like this post, as it relates to your thoughts, though not specifically adoption:
ReplyDeleteSeveral things are commanded of Christian mothers in God’s Word:
Availability – morning, noon, and night (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)
Involvement – interacting, discussing, thinking, and processing life together (Ephesians 6:4)
Teaching – the Scriptures and a biblical worldview (Psalm 78:5-6; Deuteronomy 4:10; Ephesians 6:4)
Training – helping a child to develop skills and discover his/her strengths (Proverbs 22:6) and spiritual gifts (Romans 12:3-8 and 1 Corinthians 12)
Discipline – teaching the fear of the Lord, drawing the line consistently, lovingly, firmly (Ephesians 6:4; Hebrews 12:5-11; Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15-17)
Nurture – providing an environment of constant verbal support, freedom to fail, acceptance, affection, unconditional love (Titus 2:4; 2 Timothy 1:7; Ephesians 4:29-32; 5:1-2; Galatians 5:22; 1 Peter 3:8-9)
Modeling with Integrity – living what you say, being a model from which a child can learn by “catching” the essence of godly living (Deuteronomy 4:9, 15, 23; Proverbs 10:9; 11:3; Psalm 37:18, 37).
The Bible never states that every woman should be a mother. However, it does say that those whom the Lord blesses to be mothers should take the responsibility seriously. Mothers have a unique and crucial role in the lives of their children. Motherhood is not a chore or unpleasant task. Just as a mother bears a child during pregnancy, and just as a mother feeds and cares for a child during infancy, so mothers also play an ongoing role in the lives of their children, whether they are adolescents, teenagers, young adults, or even adults with children of their own. While the role of motherhood must change and develop, the love, care, nurture, and encouragement a mother gives should never cease.
Wow. Powerful. So well said my friend! I love your heart! This was such a great reminder that I need to focus on what is going on in their inner dialogue and not just my own. Seeing it through their eyes is so much more valuable.
ReplyDeleteEven if the things they are giving up or losing are not safe they ARE FAMILIAR, and that is huge for a child. I'm coping with this reality every day right now!! Thank you for putting it into words.
ReplyDeleteI think it can be difficult for those not directly touched by adoption to understand the conflicted feelings regarding it - the greatness and the sadness. You did a good job putting this into words.
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