Sometimes Adoption Makes Me Sad

No man's land.

We've been there.

It took me by surprise the first time it happened.

I got the call that birth mother had relinquished her parental rights.

I cried.

Then I got the paperwork and cried some more.

Our child was a "ward of the state".

Orphan.

With no one.

As hard as foster parenting is, somehow knowing that birth parents were still in the picture was better than no man's land.

That day, I was overwhelmed with sadness for what this mother had done.

What she had given up.

For her child. For my child. For our child. Hers and Mine.

Everyone told me I would be "happy" because the child was now free for adoption.

On the outside I was, of course.

Moving forward is good. Being a foster child is not good.

But there is no gain without some loss.

I remember introducing her (still quite young) and people telling her how lucky she was to be adopted into our family.

You wouldn't have seen it, but I did.

The shadow of confusion that went across her face, a split second.

Yes, of course she was happy. But she was filled with sorrow, too.

Because gaining a new life means loosing the old one, even if it isn't so good.

That's how I am feeling about Joshua today.

I am sad that he has to give up EVERYTHING to be part of our family.

The onus is on him to change.

He has to learn our language. (We have Chinese word charts on the wall.)

He has to eat our food. (We like Chinese food but it's not the same.)

He has to adapt. (We only have to make another place at the table.)

He will have a family. (Not an institution.)

He will have the best medical care available. (Not limited by status.)

He will know the Savior. (And have eternal life if he chooses to embrace the Hope.)

There is no gain without some loss.

Thank you, Jesus, for giving your life so that we might have ours.

Freedom Summer Music Camp

We are fortunate to have our kids attend a relatively free music camp run by a small church in Freedom. They round up a bunch of kids who like to sing and pull together a musical complete with solos, harmony, and plenty of dialogue in just 5 days.

Our kids have been attending for many years because the people who donate their time are top notch performers and have taught our boys a lot. For the first time, we signed Cora and Kloey up, too. They had not gone before because the supervision in this type of camp tends to be grandmothers and generally wonderful townspeople. We felt they were ready this year and everyone had a ball. This year the story of Esther was portrayed.

Cora landed the part of the narrator. No one was more surprised than me! This girl could hardly read 6 months ago. Way to go, Cora. She did a fabulous job.
Erik, as the oldest boy-man, landed the role of King Ahasuerus/Xerxes. Excellent casting. He did a wonderful job commanding his kingdom.
Erika was a crowd's person and the wife of Mordecai including a small solo. Nice job, Erika.
Kloey was the advisor and sang a wonderful short solo. We were pleased and surprised at her confidence. Did I mention there was dancing?Good times.

These fun experiences are what they will remember.

Words To Live By

Before you say anything,

Consider the following:

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

Fourteen Going On Twenty

Not only has Erik launched into the teen years,
but he is a highschooler.

No way.

He is my baby.

Turned middle child.

June birthdays often happen away from home.

Once in Sweden.

Once at camp.

This year in Vermont.
Erik is a wonderful young man to have around. He fixes everything. I love having a handyman on the premises.
I remember the day you were born, on a Sunday as the sun was peeking over the horizon.
Okay big man! Looking forward to seeing what God will do in your life this year.

How Do You Do It

If I had a nickel...

for everyone who says, "I don't know how you do it."

Well, here's how.

First, you take a BUNCH of kids to music camp.

And you make them stand in front of the drop off place for a picture because inside you are bubbling over with serious hilarity and joy.

Do you see the sign?

Freedom!

I don't mind telling you that even home school moms with copious amounts of children look forward to dropping their kids off every once in a while.
Then you buy 6 chickens that were marked down because they are about to expire.

Um, the chickens are already expired.

I mean they're dead.

Stay with me here.

The grocery store is expiring them a second time.

My pride went out the window when I learned how to stretch a dollar.

I regularly buy meat that has a yellow sticker on it.

As long as it doesn't smell bad, we are good to go.

Back to the chickens.

I got six chickens for way less than $10.

I put them in crock pots over night.

Then I had a stroke of genius.

I mean a gigantic light bulb moment.

The little boys weren't old enough for music camp.

So Mom needed to come up with some fun and interesting preschool activities.

"Boys, let's carve chickens!"

I don't think eager begins to explain
the adrenalin going on here.

"I'm lovin' this kind of arts and crafts, Mom!"

At the end of our preschool activity:

1 plate full of deboned chicken

2 happy knife-wielding boys.

1 blessed momma.

The end.

80/20 Club

Three precious children in the 80/20 club.

Joshua, Joshua, and Elisyn

Sonia, tall Joshua's Mom, just found out for sure.

She's in the club.

We have known for awhile.

Elisyn's family knew too.

The 80/20 club?

A club I created after we met with the pediatric cardiologist.

We walked out of there thinking:

80% chance that nothing can be done.

20% chance that something can be done.

Might be 90/10.

Might even be 100/0.

But 80/20 sounded good because it means hope,

for Joshua, Joshua, and Elisyn, and Bryce, and many others.

We were so compelled by God to become Joshua's parents that his heart condition took a back seat to:

Worry that he might not like us.

Worry about how much day to day care he would need.

That's when we knew.

He was our son.
God is all powerful and has a purpose for these hard journeys he has called us to.

There is no better place to be than the center of God's will, unless it is in His presence.

I Have A Pile!

I've joined the club!

I have a pile of stuff in my room waiting for China.

And we are adding to it daily.

After my last post about not being ready, I had a breakdown. Yes, folks, a real live cry-fest. Waaaah.

My girlfriend kidnapped me on Saturday night and took me shopping. She matched all the outfits and helped me feel a lot less lost.

We got:

Clothes for Joshua.

Enough for 7 days while we are in China.

Won't be long now. Visas are here.

Suitcases are out.

Comfort food.

One can never be too prepared.

Personal pharmacy.

What a quandry. I could have cried standing in front of underwear display. Boxers? Briefs? My friend said, "Maybe they don't wear any." Someone told me her boys came in lacy purple girls' undies. Oh, my. We went for whitey-tidies.

Stuff to do.
Legos, backpack, bubbles, pillow pet, crafts, balls, dragons.....
boy stuff.

I'm feeling better now.

Except, I have nothing to wear.

Waaaaah.

My Heart Aches

Katie, in her own words, makes my heart ache.

Oh, to have more of Him and less of me.

Dana posted a link to a blogger who has adopted two girls from China. The Tonggu Momma is pretty famous in the Chinese adoption blogger world.

I think.

Here is the link that explains how to help adoptive families.

An amazing list.

Many of these points we have instituted in the past when foster kids came.

- Like no nursery at church for 3-6 months. Believe me, they were happier on my lap.

- Not calling the kids lucky. Great explanation with an example.

Thanks, Dana. Worth reading.

More Than a Picture

Joshua receiving our gifts.

He looks pleased.

If you listen close at the beginning, you can hear them say his Chinese name, "Fan Kang".

I cannot wait for that first hug.

Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.