Giving Back

An amazing place to be is on the other side of some life experience.

Because then you get to give back.

I've mentored a new foster parent.

Testified at a committee hearing, trying to introduce a bill.

Done a radio interview (with a screaming kid on the other side of a closed door). Seriously.

And most recently, I was interviewed by a regional newspaper for an article promoting fostercare.

Fostering hope

The number of children in need of foster care has declined in recent years, but supportive families are still needed.

Since 2001, Jennifer Peterson and her husband have cared for 16 foster children. They have adopted five of them, while others have been reunited with their birth parents. The couple also has three biological children, the eldest of whom is about to graduate from college. Right now, there are a total of nine children living in the Peterson household.

Few people in the state are as familiar with the daunting challenges and precious rewards of fostering as the Petersons. It’s an experience Jennifer Peterson recommends to anyone who cares about children.

“It’s the hardest job you’ll ever love,” she said.

According to Child and Family Services, between 600 and 900 New Hampshire children will find themselves in need of foster homes this year. They will range in age from newborns to teenagers, come from diverse backgrounds and have a variety of medical and emotional needs. But they’ll all need support from a caring family.

Child and Family Services, a nonprofit organization that provides social services, has been contracted by the N.H. Department of Health and Human Services as the state’s official foster family recruiter. May is National Foster Care Month, and CFS is reaching out to potential parents throughout the state.
Part of their effort involves dispelling myths about fostering. According to Michelle Galligan, a foster care recruiter with CFS, you don’t have to be wealthy, own a large home or have experience raising kids to be a foster parent.

“A lot of people think they’ve got to be a parent or they’ve got to have their own home or they’ve got to be rich ... but you don’t,” Galligan said. “You’ve definitely got to have a desire to want to parent a child. That’s a real big one.”

The number of children in need of foster care has declined significantly over the last five to 10 years. According to Maggie Bishop, director of the N.H. Division for Children, Youth & Families, there are currently 735 licensed foster homes in New Hampshire and fewer than 700 children in need of placement.

“There are always foster homes available,” Bishop said. “We have more foster home beds than we have children in need of them.”

But, Galligan said, there are not always enough homes to meet the specific needs of certain children. Some foster kids have medical issues or autism. Some are in sibling groups and require multiple rooms. Some cannot be in a home with pets. They ideally remain in the same community so they don’t have to change schools.

Similarly, some families have preferences about the age, gender and number of children they take into their homes.

“We try to match the needs of the child to the family and vice-versa, family to the child,” Galligan said. “So you can see how challenging it can be and why we’re constantly trying to license different foster families.”

The state’s Foster Care Program has become more effective in recent years. In 2008, nearly 1,400 New Hampshire children were placed in care at some point during the year. That number dropped in each of the next three years, dipping to fewer than 1,000 in 2011. The average length of stay in foster homes also has decreased.

Bishop said the steady improvement is due largely to the state’s increasing use of relatives for foster care. When a child is removed from its parents, the state first attempts to contact a close relative, like a grandparent or aunt, who is willing and able to care for the child. Staying with a relative is often less traumatic for the child and offers more hope and support for the parents, Bishop said.

“(We’re) really spending some time working with parents around what family options are available, and sometimes there aren’t any, but usually there are,” she said. “It just expedites the process for the kids (and) makes it smoother.”

However, the improving numbers do not mean the underlying issues that produce foster children are getting any better. Most foster children have been victims of parental abuse or neglect, often resulting from domestic violence, substance abuse or mental health issues. Those problems are not going away, Bishop said.

A child’s journey through the foster care system usually begins with a phone call. A community member reports that a child in their neighborhood may be suffering abuse or neglect. If the information is sufficient to raise concerns, the N.H. Division for Children, Youth & Families will go to the home in question and meet with the parents and child, looking for signs of physical or sexual misconduct.

“We would not remove a child from the home unless we thought leaving them there would result in some imminent danger for the child, or the child was likely to suffer if we left,” Bishop said.
If the DCYF suspects the child is being abused, they must file a petition with the courts. A judge makes the ultimate decision on whether to remove the child from the home. Removing and monitoring the child is a collaborative effort between the division and the courts, providing “checks and balances,” Bishop said.

“That’s what I like about New Hampshire. No entity does it by themselves,” she said.

If no relatives are available to care for the child, the state looks for a nearby foster family that meets the child’s needs. If the child presents significant challenges or requires intensive treatment, he or she might be placed in a group home, such as the Spaulding Youth Center in Northfield or The Chase Home for Children in Portsmouth. The goal, Bishop said, is to place the child in the least restrictive setting available.

“We should have a system—and we do—that’s available to serve any child that comes in,” she said. “The system is broad enough to meet the needs of any child.”

The process of getting licensed as a foster home is fairly simple. Parents must complete a free, 21-hour training program provided by Granite State College. Anyone in the home over age 17 must be fingerprinted and have a criminal background check done. Local fire and health inspectors must approve the home. Parents also must meet with a DCYF resource worker, provide medical clearance statements for all family members, and participate in home visits with a social worker. They also must submit an autobiographical statement and provide five references.

Licenses must be renewed every two years with additional training. Foster parents who take in a child receive a monthly stipend to cover expenses like food, clothing and transportation. All medical expenses are covered by the state.

Other than that, there are few requirements for fostering. Parents must have at least one room available for the child, but they do not have to own their own home or have a huge amount of space. And, as long as the parents can cover their own living expenses, there are no specific income requirements.

“We just want to make sure they can pay their mortgage (or rent), pay their bills, and not be relying on that stipend to support the home,” Galligan said.

Once a child is in placement, the state’s goal is to achieve permanency, either through adoption by the foster family or reunification with the birth parent. The latter is always preferable, but the birth parent must first go through all necessary treatment and counseling mandated by the courts.

“Parents do have the right to be able to try to get the child back and do certain things that they need to do to get themselves healthy to bring the family unit back together again,” Galligan said.

If the biological parents are deemed unfit to raise a child, the court will terminate their parental rights and the foster family can adopt. According to state records, however, reunification is much more common. Just 4 percent of children who exited the state’s foster care system in fiscal year 2010 were adopted, while 48 percent were reunified with a birth parent. Others left the system because they reached adulthood (age 18) or were appointed to another legal guardian.

Jennifer Peterson and her husband have adopted five foster children, including a critically ill child from China with a shortened life expectancy. But they have also cared for children who were ultimately reunited with their parents.

Peterson said returning a child to its birth parents is one of the most rewarding aspects of fostering. While it is difficult to give up a child who has become part of your home, she said, it’s heartening to see a family come back together.

“On the one hand, do I miss them? Do I grieve? Absolutely. Is it heart-raking when they leave? Yes,” she said. “By the same token, watching a family be put together is the most amazing thing.”
While she would never excuse any type of abuse or neglect, Peterson said many parents who lose their children take it as a wakeup call and earn a second chance. Some are dealing with drug addiction, alcoholism, spousal abuse or poverty.

“I can honestly say, out of every single biological parent I’ve met, I truly liked them all. There was not one I didn’t like or feel for at some level,” she said.

Peterson said one of the biggest challenges of fostering is helping children of varying backgrounds adapt to their new environment. With her three biological children, who are older than their foster siblings, she strove to establish fair and consistent rules. But that’s not always possible with foster kids who have completely different experiences. Some require more vigilance or leniency than others, she said.

“When you have a child that comes without any kind of knowledge of what a normal or typical working family looks like, that requires quite a bit of effort,” Peterson said. “I couldn’t have the same rules for everybody, because my expectations weren’t the same for everybody... It was a different set of rules for different kids.”

The Petersons became interested in fostering after hosting a Fresh Air child from New York City for
two weeks. They later received a gracious letter from the child’s mother.

“When that mom wrote me a note and said, ‘You people changed my daughter’s life,’ we thought, ‘Wow, we changed somebody’s life,’” Peterson said.

The children the Petersons have taken in have ranged in age from five weeks to five years. They often had to start the parenting process from scratch.

“We taught all of them how to sleep in a bed, we taught them how to brush their teeth—all of those kinds of typical things that we do that may or may not have been part of their life on a regular, ongoing basis,” she said.

Peterson said fostering has made her a better parent, and it has taught her biological children to be more open and compassionate. The experience has also helped educate her kids about the dangers of drugs, alcohol and teen pregnancy.

“The product of that is in our home,” she said. “So I think it’s been educational as well as rewarding.”
But fostering is not easy. The Petersons have a therapist who works with them and the children. They also receive ongoing training and take classes. Having a strong support network is vital to successful fostering.

“Nobody is a super person,” Peterson said.

The New Hampshire Foster & Adoptive Parent Association has 12 local support groups across the state that work collaboratively with the DCYF district offices. Local associations in Epping and Rochester meet on a monthly basis and host a variety of family activities, fundraisers and other special events.

Association director Jennifer Guillemette said the support groups help foster and adoptive parents network with other families. They also provide a venue for foster children to interact and realize they are not alone. The Rochester and Portsmouth area groups recently held a joint meeting that drew about 50 parents.

“That was a really great opportunity for parents to get to know the entire Seacoast,” Guillemette said. “My husband and I are foster parents, as well, so it’s nice to talk to somebody who’s gone through the experiences you’re going through.”

Galligan stressed that the state provides continual support for all foster parents. Some foster children are emotionally fragile and have behavioral issues. She said certain families are specially licensed to care for high-risk children.

“It’s not like we drop just any child on their doorstep and say, ‘Here you go,’” she said. “We’re going to make sure they’re capable of supporting that child.”

Guillemette said the challenges of fostering vary greatly depending on the child’s needs. Catering to those individual needs is the most important thing.

“I think the most challenging (thing) is just always making sure that the child’s needs are being met and that you’re being sensitive to their needs and the needs of their birth family,” she said.
For Guillemette, who lives in Weare, the rewards of fostering outweigh the challenges. Her family has hosted several long-term placements.

“We’ve been able to maintain connections with our foster daughters, and it’s been an amazing experience to watch them grow and really develop,” Guillemette said. “They’ve grown into really great young women.”

Galligan said the vast majority of foster parents find the experience gratifying, despite the significant difficulties it can pose.

“Of course it comes with challenges,” she said. “But, for the most part, most of them find it very rewarding because they’re helping a child, and there’s nothing greater than having that child go back home. And maybe, a few years down the line, you happen to bump into that child or that family and have them say thank you.”

More information on fostering is available by calling Child and Family Services at 603-518-4250, e-mailing whynotyou@csfnh.org or visiting their website at www.cfsnh.org. There is also state information at www.dhhs.state.nh.us/dcyf.

Peterson urges anyone interested in fostering to take the next step.

“There are a lot of kids that will make you a better person for knowing them,” she said.