Locked Up On the Inside

My sweet girl, who came at five and a half and whom we adopted three years later, has a hard time expressing herself. Verbally. Life was not kind in those early years. It wasn't filled with nurture, nor rich loving language and books, but many changes and never Christmas in the same place.

She is the one who rarely smiles. 

As she grows, heart to heart communication remains at the top of the list of things to work on. Some days I wonder if she even likes us at all. She often seems to say (by her outward behavior) that life with our family isn't doing her any favors.

And how wrong I am to think that! Because what's missing on the outside is clearly still locked up on the inside. What follows is a poem she wrote on her grandfather's computer and she gave me permission to share it here. Her written words.

I love my Grandfather because he is awesome

I love my Grandmothers because they give me treats

I love my dad because he protects me

I love my mom because she knows when I need her

I love Lindsey because she knows what she is doing

I love Jerrod because he his tough just like his dad

I love Erik because he is just himself all I mean most of the time

I love Erika because she cooks really good food

I love myself ( Kloey) because I love horses 

my mom says I'm the horse person in the family

I love Cora because she is my own true sister I ever had

I love Joshua because he is fun to play toys with

I love Joy because she will be fun to dress her up

I love Trey because he loves to play soccer with me

I love Micah because he can be a cuddle bug sometimes.

The real smiles we seldom see but they are like sparkling jewels when they come. This girl, who came after much of life had been formed in her, thinks deep and feels deep and loves much. 

How wrong I was to think that because of her behavior (attachment and development issues), she didn't care!

She does care.

And I'm so grateful that she found a way to tell me!

!0 Kids = Fun At The Fair

Thanks to 4-H and free tickets, we headed out to the big fair on Wednesday. After my foray with the four youngest into the grocery store (at dinner time), I realized there was no way I was doing the fair without a few reinforcements. So I called up three more kids. Ten kids,  all 13 and under. I am definitely NOT super-mom but people, I excel in strategy. Which is probably why my kids won't play games with me....

I absolutely paid for premium parking. Ten bucks was never better spent especially after I crooned to the man at the gate about 10 kids, strollers, and heart conditions. LOOK at the parking space they gave me. We were the closest vehicle to the gate. Thank you parking people! They proceeded to stand and watch and even offer some friendly advice as we took about 20 minutes to offload and get organized.

Primed and ready for a great day - in the rain!

Most of the day was overwhelming for Joy. We have discovered that her cheesy smile is covering up the tears threatening to spill over. It was all too much for her but what a trooper. She hung in there, riding on my back most of the day.

So here is where the strategy comes into play. 

Everyone had a partner.

Partnership was at its best in the petting barn. Very sweet.

Joshua loved feeding the animals.

Micah, not so sure. He needed some sisterly support.

Black and white cows mean that we think about, 

talk about, and take pictures for big sister.

 If you can't milk 'em, ride 'em.

The rain poured down, off and on. We darted from building to building and managed to avoid the soaking wet status. The craft building was hilarious. I was looking at baked goods when I turned around to find the girls oohing and aahing over the antique dress display.....

While the boys congregated at something, anything else! Everything stayed dry except Joshua's shoes because his feet couldn't stay out of a huge puddle. It was calling his name, the puddle that is!

I could not have pulled fair day off without this young man who selflessly pushed the stroller through rain, storm, mud, and masses of people, with THREE little boys attached.

The biggest reason we went was for the kids to 

demonstrate their Eco-bots in the 4-H building.

Joshua and Erika are explaining, creating, and trying out bots 

made out of motors, watch batteries, and heads of toothbrushes.

The other strategy: Promise cotton candy at the end of the day.

The first timers were in heaven!

 I took 10 slightly soggy kids up to the cotton candy counter and asked, "How much?" Bless the cotton candy lady. She took one look at me and said, "How much do you need? Then I'll tell you how much." For twelve bucks, we got a bunch of ooey-gooey melt-in-your-mouth sugar!

Those beards didn't last long.

We had a fantastic day. I always tell the kids that we are a walking advertisement for large families. Today, they were up to the task and definitely put their best feet forward.

Pictures of the Week 8/5-11

I'm determined to catch up on my pictures of the week. Back to August but we'll get there.

Mighty Warrior

218 / 365

Joshua, who was the smallest physically, got to play David in the play. 

He conquered the giant Goliath with his faith in God.

Garden Bounty

219 / 365

Reduced to vegetables when the end of the day 

arrives and a picture has not yet been snapped! 

  Sunny Summer Day

220 / 365

Don't you just wish that was you? 

  Chopsticks Anyone?

221 / 365

You know you have an Asian child when chopsticks 

show up in your plastic silverware picnic bag.

Grammy Lou

222 / 365

We got to visit with our sweet Grammy Lou this summer. 

Wing Span

223 / 365

Erik has quite the wing span. 

What a great kid to let me take his picture!

Personality Plus

224 / 365

Love her!

The First Week

We hit the ground running this first week home.

Two of the hardest things for me after coming home are 1) driving and 2) going to the grocery store. 

I am so tired that I am afraid that I cannot stay focused enough to drive and the grocery store with its bright lights and the trillion choices is JUST.TOO.MUCH. 

Monday, I had to buck up, take the bull by the horns and drive to Joy's doctor appointment 90 minutes away. We did fine except for the one time that I drove forward up onto the curb. Fortunately, my car forgave me. And the kids that were with me had a good laugh. 

The grocery store I managed to avoid until Thursday when no milk forced me to take the plunge. I went in with both feet, fully clothed by taking all four little kids into the store at dinner time. I may not do that again anytime soon but the distraction of keeping them moving in the same direction certainly helped my oversensitivity to American grocery stores.

It takes a couple of weeks to re-acclimate and we are making progress. What fun adopting an older child is! We get to discover what Joy does know and help her experience what she doesn't!

On Tuesday, we went to watch Coach Jerrod. The kids love him.

Joy was brave and decided to try the slide. It takes her a bit to navigate the play equipment but she is willing to try every thing at least once!

She is always smiling!

The threesome is a force to be reckoned with.

When you tell me I have my hands full, I won't argue....

But I sure will let you know that my heart is even fuller!!!!

Joshua is proud of his accomplishments, as he should be.

She is a good eater and has taken to American food like a champ. Hopefully we can get some weight on that 12 month size waist.

The girls are playing for the recreation department field hockey team.

All team huddles need....

a bubble blowing cheering section. Don't you think?

THEY

CRACK

ME UP!

Rugged Admiration

Well, there is no denying that re-entry is rugged. At best. A twelve hour time switch is tough when all of the sudden night is day and day is night. Today was the first day that I stayed up all day without a nap and was pretty proud of myself. Hopefully, we are rounding the corner and will get a little more sleep tonight.

Joy is adapting marvelously and took the continent leap like the champ that she is. 

Can you imagine going to bed one night in Cowbell, USA and waking up the next day in Siberia? I choked up as we got on the plane in Guangzhou, China, taking a daughter from everything she has ever known, her culture and language, the smells, and sounds.

We have demanded so much of her. And she has done everything we asked with grace.

My admiration for her strength and courage is overwhelming.

Yes, she is this happy most of the time.

Every night, I ask her if she enjoyed all the new things she experienced that day. She proceeds to jabber at me in her own language. She must think I am the most wonderful and permissive mother because I nod and say yes to everything she says. Now pointing (definitely a universal language), that's another story. Some of those get a no.

She doesn't miss much, always observing and watching what is going on around her. She has been a little overwhelmed but seems to enjoy meeting new people and has learned to shake hands. Sometimes, she even flashes a smile!

Like most traumatized children, Joy has her moments when the shadow of abandonment crosses her face and we see her alone-ness, her fear, the ache of newness. 

Thankfully, these moments are fleeting and few. We have our teary moments and she definitely has some triggers but for the most part, Joy is handling the changes in her life beautifully and we are letting her set her own pace.

Today, Monday, we hit the ground running and began our doctor appointments beginning with the pediatric cardiologist. She was a wonderful patient and sat quietly for her echo which clearly showed her heart defect, a PDA. Her doctor has scheduled a heart catheterization and feels fairly "positive" about his ability to possibly do a repair should her pulmonary pressures allow. Apparently in this day of new technology and medications, the window of pressures is wider than it used to be which allows our almost six year old a chance. There are no guarantees that this can be done but we trust our doctor and the Great Physician. 

Taking it one day at a time. 

Good-bye China

We loved our time here in China, the birthplace of two of our children. When we visit Arizona, I always appreciate that the landscape is as different as it could be from where we live on the East coast. The same goes for China where the people and the culture are unique and incomparable to anything we are familiar with.

We have witnessed an amazing transformation in the eleven days of togetherness. Joy has blossomed like a flower.

Every day we see more personality. We are incredibly blessed by a little girl who has been waiting almost six years for a mommy and a daddy.

Joy was cooperative at the medical clinic. Her height and weight were confirmed to be about what we thought.

She has had a few episodes of purple lips and we are anxious to see what our cardiologist has to say next Monday.



We have learned a lot of our girl over the past two weeks. Joy knows how to scrub laundry, rinse, and wring.

Her smile lights up a room and completely convinces us that her name is exactly right for her. Pure Joy!

We learned that maybe Joy might need to practice her picture taking skills

We rode the metro and felt safer than when we took taxis. Of course, the metro provided lots of opportunities for people to "check us foreigners out". We had our picture taken on the street and were often the only foreigners at the places we went on our own.

Our last night in China found us celebrating with new friends who shared our adoption experience with their own.

I don't think we will be back any time soon but we will always treasure our time in this country, soaking up the culture and loving the people for who they are.

Good-bye, China. Hello, United States of America.

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