When their world changes in an instant and they have to cope with every single thing being different, that is when life gets really hard.
As we get to know each other, a new normal emerges and everyone settles into a routine more or less.
Except for the triggers.
Triggers are environmental events that provoke emotions or reactions in a traumatized kid. Wait a minute, not just kids, people.
I found the following definition here on this website:
A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma.
Complications set in when the trauma happened pre-verbal because those triggers provoke intense emotions/pictures that are seemingly unexplainable by the participant.
From what I have observed in my own children, it seems like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from. And then when you do, you have no idea why you are panting, crying, and feel out of control.
As time goes on and children mature and heal, the triggers become fewer or at least less noticeable. When one of my kids comes in contact with a trigger, the average person wouldn't catch it as the look of panic goes across his/her face. Some of the time I see it, but not always. It is subtle and they control it more and more as they get older.
However, the other night we watched a movie that was intense in nature. We are not extremely strict but we do screen movies for appropriateness. This time, we dropped the ball completely.
And I got a midnight wake up call like I have not experienced before. A shaking, scared to death, weeping child who could not tell me what was wrong. This continued for hours to the point that I wondered if we were going to need some medical intervention. The child eventually calmed down although neither of us got much sleep as the terrors came and went, finally dissipating as the early morning hours gave way to dawn.
When we woke up, the day went on like nothing had happened. I let the child know that some time we would talk about the hard night. When they were ready.
Mid-morning, I made the direct correlation from a scene in the movie to a part of our child's story. I believe a "flashback" happened.
My heart grieves just thinking about it. Those memories trapped inside your head, ready to pop up unannounced. That is scary stuff.
Triggers are a very real part of the traumatized child's life. They run the gamut from a man in a baseball hat, to a garbage truck rumbling by, to a scene in a movie. Not all kids have over the top reactions, but it is good to be aware that triggers exist.
A lot of living happened (before we became a family) that will always be part of our children. When we accept that and choose to help them acknowledge and learn from their past, they will not allow their trauma to define their future.
