Joy - A Step Back Into Reality

Along with a step back, it's good to remember how far we've come.

August 20, 2012

We received our update from China with a few pictures of a little girl who looked slightly annoyed, perhaps a little confused, and probably downright hot in the very southern part of China.

Here is what I cropped out the last time I posted the picture. I looked and looked at this picture trying to understand.

Meeting your child is beyond words and a bit of a blur. I was looking at pictures the other day and discovered a few that I had glossed over. Maybe I didn't want to think about how painful that day was for her. Oh, this one breaks my heart. Our guide took the picture while the director was handing us our photo book.

I am pretty sure Joy had absolutely no idea what was happening to her.

She tried so very hard to be brave.

A few weeks home and she was at the beginning of acceptance. The fears were subsiding as the trust began to grow.

In October, Joy found her smile, the one that wiggles from the inside out!

After her first heart cath and sometime before her second, I glanced down at her sleeping peacefully next to me and felt that kind of deep and bubbly love only a mother has for her child. Every one of my children has a different "love" story.

November brought a break from reality after we got home from our second heart cath in Boston. I think I let myself believe that Joy's heart condition wasn't that bad. We took her off oxygen during the day and tried to live a more normal life that befitted a very active preschooler. We knew we were in a "wait and see" situation so there didn't seem any point in thinking anything but the best.

This girl is happy though in spite of the too many blue spells that put her back on oxygen around the clock. Those episodes never slowed her down a bit. She is a trooper about her medicine and as sweet as she is bossy. The little boys don't get away with anything when she is around. She regularly says "I luh you" in a way that warms the heart right down to your toes.

While it was discouraging to have Joy back on oxygen all the time, we will do what we need to in order for her to have the best chance for a longer life. With her tethered to a machine, we all have to pitch in to keep her busy and engaged. 

We finally succumbed to the handicap license plate. I put if off for a long time, trying not to visually admit that we had some extra special needs. But tromping through fields at fairgrounds with two heart kids in tow along with Joy on oxygen, now indefinitely, convinced me that it was time. 

We head back to the hospital in a few weeks for another surgery with the ENT and Pulmonologist working in conjunction with our cardiologist to try and eliminate/decrease any other factors contributing to Joy's pulmonary hypertension.  

Happy New Year! 

We love you Joy and couldn't imagine our family without 

your sweet smile, your infectious laugh and your precious hugs.

Where's The Pause Button?

Today, on the last day of 2012, I can only stand in awe of the what the Lord has done in the last year.

It's been uphill, mostly, through cancer, a wayward child, one leaving the nest, our tenth child with a serious heart condition, coping with mental illness on a daily basis, mounting medical bills.

While it seems like a lot looking back, what we have gained is learning to love in the moment because we never know what tomorrow will bring. 

Much of me wants to hit the pause button on life; to keep things as they are right now, everyone happy and healthy and together. But I know I can't because that would not be trusting God or His plan.

And He has done an amazing job in orchestrating what I could never have imagined, I love my family and my life. I wouldn't change a thing or a person in it.

So when those inevitable changes come, when the cancer wins, the heart stops beating, the mental illness takes over...

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me


From life's first cry to final breath


Jesus commands my destiny


In Christ alone, my hope is found!

In Christ alone, my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My comforter, my all-in-all

Here in the love of Christ I stand

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious day

Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

Till He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
Till He returns or calls me home


Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

A Simple Christmas

A friend called me in early December and asked, 

"What do you do since you don't celebrate Christmas?"

Over the last 25 years of married life, we have celebrated most holidays in pretty much every conceivable way. For Halloween, we have full blown trick or treated, visited shut-ins, gone to the nursing home (my personal favorite), harvest festivals, and ignored it altogether. Thanksgiving has seen us with others and alone, serving, visiting, family. At Christmastime, Santa came because we sprinkled reindeer food and left out cookies and milk for Dad. We've stayed up past midnight assembling and wrapping many a year which turned into a special time for my husband and I to talk and reflect. 

However, over the last five years, Christmas for our family has begun to evolve into what we hope honors the One who was born for our eternal salvation.

Honestly, some of this happened out of necessity. With an adoption, a baby, or a new kid each year, Christmas got overwhelming for me. Fast. And the excess of it all? The truth is, it depresses me while so many people on this earth don't even have clean water to drink or food to eat.

We have simplified the way we do Christmas to 

encourage a spirit of giving rather than receiving.

One year we bought our one and only flat screen TV. 

And we donated an equal amount to charities.

Last year we plopped down three $100 bills and told the kids they could do whatever they wanted but they had to all agree. 

The money bought mosquito nets for children in Mali, Africa to combat malaria.

One year we only put popcorn, cranberries, and lights on our tree.

This year, we drew names and bought a few stocking gifts. 

And that was all. 

The kids loved shopping for each other.

I would be the first to admit it has been a rugged season, for me personally, fostering three babies in three years and integrating two medically fragile children into our family while learning to simultaneously parent all ages.

Simplifying Christmas has given me margin.

We can enjoy and celebrate the true gifts that God has given us.

We were able to take time the weekend before Christmas to have biological siblings overnight and help out where no one else would. 

Overflowing gifts under the tree? That is what my friend really meant when she asked me about Christmas. What do we substitute for the "stuff"? 

For our family, I hope December has become a season of giving and remembering how blessed we are to have a Savior AND each other.

The best present of all?
Pure Joy. 

Wouldn't you agree?

The Perfect Tree

Finding the perfect tree is quite an event 

when you have a lot of opinions large family.

 The truth is, 

Daddy has the final say.

Always.

'Cause picking the tree is his thing.

And it doesn't have to be perfect,

it only has to be right.

 This one....had no idea what we were doing.

 A kind man allowing us to tromp his field.

 My brother and nephew came along, a true family affair.

 Remember when we used to do THIS all the time?

Merry Christmas!

We were blessed to have everyone home for Christmas. How many more times will that happen? 

Before Lindsey went back to the land of cows and Jerrod took off shredding, I begged a picture of ten.

We scoured the house for red, white, and black.  Think tossing drawers, digging through dirty laundry, and borrowing to make it somehow work. 

 Traditional!

 Their choice to tough up and be outside!  

We used a package of M&M's for bribery warmth.

  I woefully need camera lessons. But the pose was awesome!

Behind the scenes: 

texting, a wanderer, coldness, boredom.  

Real life!

Coats on, coats off.

Getting pretty cold now.

Oldest to youngest.

Love came down at Christmastime...

And glory filled the earth!

Merry Christmas 2012

Giving Thanks

I am feeling the poignancy of the holidays deeply this year. Life is changing a bit more quickly with the kids getting older and moving on with their own lives. It's been a wild ride this year and the pace hasn't slowed down much with all the Joy happenings over the last few months. My oldest knew I was needing a pick-me-up and delighted us by coming home for three whole days over Thanksgiving. A surprise because dairy farmers don't spend a whole lot of time resting!

 Look who was in charge of breakfast!

 On second thought, probably better not to look.

 Some can pull it off, others.....not so much!

We were blessed to be invited to a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I was very grateful not to host or cook this year. May God find great favor on the people who invite a family of twelve over.

 When Jerrod wears the hat, we call him green bean. 

He's sportin' it quite a bit since he went Marine on us.

Joy's very first Thanksgiving. We are thankful for her life and for how easily she has become a treasured member of our family.

I LOVE this picture for all sorts of reasons. All ten together for a whole day is a mother's gift. The personalities, the siblings, how they came and who they are, completely represented here.

 We tried the jumping off the wall pictures. 

Some knew what we were trying to do and some clearly didn't.

Yeah, that didn't work so well.

 The point is this:

 The youngest and oldest definitely get all the photo glory.

 Especially with a handsome hat from the dress up bin.

 But little girls are pretty cute in overalls and piggy tails.

 And  a five year old who dances down the wall

 sporting a gap in the smile is practically irresistible.

Back to the youngest? 

He wins the most-pictures-award. 

Hands down! 

We have much to be thankful for.

November 22, 2012