What Love Does

What I want most for my children to understand about adoption is this:

Love doesn't divide, it multiplies.

Every new child, whether birthed, fostered, or adopted, has multiplied my love in unfathomable ways.

There is no denying the division of my time.

But the heart?

No, as the love increases, the heart expands.

My love for my children intensifies with each new addition to our family.

Each "birth" allows God to again show me how unique and wonderfully made each and every member of our family is. He reveals the gifts He has given and assures me of the purpose of His plan, all for our good and for His glory. He has knit our family together in a way that exceeded our expectations and certainly went beyond our wildest dreams of what a family could be.

Ten beautiful precious souls entrusted to us for such a short time.

Love doesn't divide, it multiplies.

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What We Think We Know

Discovering the treasures we brought for her. One by one.

By US standards, our girl might be considered neglected.

By the world's standards, probably better than most. She certainly had food, shelter, and caregivers.

But the roof over her head turned into more than a haven. The walls prevented her from experiencing enough life to grow her mind and stretch her body.

There is beauty in this lack. We've been given the privilege of introducing the world and experiencing the thrill of discovery right along with her.

We are learning hour by hour and day by day how to best meet our daughter's needs and wants. It is fun and exhausting because the pressure is on to do it right. A five year old who does not understand a word you say requires a different sort of finesse than say a two year old who can be re-directed.

We are slowly getting the hang of what makes our girl tick. Not sure she ever wore shoes. She has a hard time walking with shoes on but zips around the room barefoot. She can put on her own shoes but socks seem difficult to manage. She is clearly uncomfortable with the different floor textures and walks gingerly from the carpet onto the bathroom tiles.

She seems pretty serious most of the time. We haven't had a full belly laugh yet but a few giggles have escaped here and there.

The goofball side might be emerging. Although it is hard to say whether she even knew these were not on quite right.

Honestly we are guessing that Joy is operating developmentally at about a two to three year old level. Though not because she cannot learn. We simply don't think she was taught much.

She willingly tries everything we ask. She wants to taste every food that is on my plate. She may spit it out but the trying wins big in my book.

Joy will mimic our words. So far she seems to understand "potty", "all done", and "shoes" in English.

The first bath was fun. She stood there and looked at me.

"You want me to do what?"

Sit down honey. I promise you will love it.

Mr. B saved the day. Because bubbles are irresistible aren't they?

She got the hang of things and poured water right over her head. They told us she had only experienced showers and a bath consisted of some water in a bucket.

Water is magic, isn't it? Doesn't she look happy and relaxed?

Seeing as the bath was a hit, the next day we headed for deeper waters. We all enjoyed several hours in the pool. Joy didn't seem to get cold and even tried to put her face in the water when she saw other kids swimming over and under and all around.

I believe this was a case of, "Mom, the picture taking thing is getting O-L-D!"

Wednesday morning we were able to meet four other families who are basically on the same adoption track and timeline as we are, although we are all with different agencies. It was nice to share stories and find out how God brought us all to China for such a time as this.

Off to the police station. Don't worry. It's all good. That is where we will apply for Joy's passport. Although she will have a mugshot taken!

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Adoption Day - Learning Our Girl

Good morning little one. We have been doing this dance with you now for about eighteen hours. You are a sweet little girl. Eager to please. Even more willing to learn. And it seems like maybe you have a lot to learn.

Today, your orphan status will change to "Loved forever!"

Yes. Really. You will have a family to call your own.

I know the day didn't exactly start out the way we thought. Here is where we found you this morning. Maybe you fell out of bed but more likely, the bed was too soft for you and you were able to sleep better on the floor.

How frightened you must be although you have an excellent game face and haven't shown us much emotion. Yet.

Back to the Civil Affairs Office for two interviews and some signatures assuring

China that we will never abuse, neglect, nor abandon you. We promise.

Look at the shadow across her face. At one point Joy began to tear up. We quickly got our guide to tell her that we were not leaving her. I don't think she has any idea what is happening. Sure, she has a mommy and a daddy. But what in the world does that mean? She has no frame of reference. At all.

Hugs and kisses. Soft words and smiles.

It's all we can do for her right now.

The notary asked us, "Why do you want to adopt her when you have so many others?" Flustered is an understatement here. Operating on basically zero sleep, we left that hanging probably longer than we should have. "Because we love her? We want HER to have a family? We love children?"

Apparently our stupor and consequently our answers were satisfactory as we got a nod and a signature. We returned to the big room and waited for our guide to pay the fees on our behalf.

Joy MeiNi.

 

You are a Peterson.

 

Officially.

 

 

 

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Part 2 The Meeting - Where Hearts Are Joined

We spent about an hour in the meeting place.

 

Joy kept looking around. When we went to sit down, we put her on

the couch between us as she appeared to have a wandering spirit.

Bubbles? Do you know about these?

Here. Daddy will show you. He has had twenty-three years of practice.

A wonderful first step. She is willing to try whatever we ask.

One of my favorite pictures from today.

 

What emotions must be swirling deep down in those dark beautiful eyes?

 

She has absolutely no idea what is happening.

 

My heart is breaking for her.

 

One of the parts of older child adoption is grieving

for them until they learn to grieve for themselves.

The slinky was quite a mystery.

We had an opportunity to ask the Assistant Orphanage Director questions about our daughter. Honestly, we got the feeling he was making most of it up. No allergies, no doctors, she greets all the nannies, that is about it. They didn't allow her to do much physically because of her heart condition.

We asked for a picture. She called him Uncle.

Ah, China. I will always remember you for the two fingers. Peace baby.

Too many children have arrived at our home with the ubiquitous black bag. Joy's life in the black hole consisted of the gifts we had sent and two outfits from the orphanage which I believe was generous.

The source of the funny walk? Shoes that were ten sizes too big. The director apologized. He said she had sandals but they were not very nice and this is what they could find for her. It was all I could do to not take them off of her.

Joy seems to accept our affection.

 

We are wondering if she will cry.

 

When will she trust us with her heart?

 

With older children, we try to be respectful and let them take the lead.

 

 

Next post, I will let you know how it is going and what

we think we know after twenty-four hours together.

 

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Part 1 The Meeting - Where Hands Are Held

We were told to wait outside the playroom and they would bring her to us.

She was very interested in what else was going on in the room.

It was noisy and other children were crying.

Y

My first impression? She was bigger and thinner than I had imagined.

And she had a very odd walk.

Time freezes in these moments.

We just looked at each other wondering what to do next.

The assistant director who brought her pulled out the

photo album we had sent to explain who we were.

The room is large and maybe ten or twelve other families where meeting their children.

After we found a place to sit, she discovered the backpack.

The favorites were the flashlight and a toy that spins.

Joy has quite the cheesy show-my-teeth grimace type grin. She flashes it at absolutely everyone. At this point we are happy that she is not wailing like most of the rest of the room.

She commandeered the camera resulting in

a whole bunch of pictures that looked like this.

The girl may look like she is in total shell shock but she has a sense of humor.

I was ready with my list of questions.

I had a hard time thinking of things to ask.

 

We kept our expectations low which was hard because of course we are comparing this experience to meeting Joshua last year. But we have been richly blessed again with another seemingly easy going and happy child. Joy looked like she was in shock and there were a few moments when we wondered how connected she was. She reminds me a lot of Micah who always seemed like he was spacing out when in fact he was taking everything in and processing all that stimulation in his own way.

 

Goodness, what a brave girl. She had a five hour car ride this morning from her orphanage. Her world completely turned upside down and backwards when she left all the life she ever knew. Which seems like it was pretty limited.

 

Our physical worlds have joined together. We pray that our hearts will bind together as we fall in love.

 

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Transition

We have reached that magic stage of labor when birth becomes imminent. I assure you that our checkbook is fully dilated and 100% effaced.

And worth every penny.

Sure, we are changing Joy MeiNi's life for the better but the greater gift is ours.

Because somehow, I believe we need her even more than she needs us.

Birthing children in any form is life-changing like that!

Touchdown. China style!

We made it safely to Guangzhou and were waved through customs. The three people in front of us were not, so that left us feeling like we must look pretty non-threatening after 30 hours of travel.

The Garden Hotel is indeed lovely. We have a fabulous skyline view out our window on the fifteenth floor.

Outside there are fountains with ravenous fish who follow you around.

Joy will enjoy feeding the fish, I'm sure.

We made a trip to the convenience store for extra water and got the lay of the land.

Guangzhou is a city of twelve millions people.

We toured the fourth floor and saw this bed calling our name next to ...

The pool. I hope Joy will enjoy the water.

After the tour of our surroundings, we hit the proverbial wall and had to go lay down. Bob slept for a few hours but I popped back up after the fog cleared to start unpacking and to get organized for our 2:30 appointment.

We pulled it all together and were nervous, excited, and ready to meet our daughter.

With traffic at a standstill, we were the last of many families to arrive at the Civic Affairs building.

She is everything we hoped she would be.

A pure and lovely gift from God.

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