Joy's Journey to Healing - The Next Step

At long last, Joy's rescheduled surgery rolled around. A flurry of phone calls about medications, anesthesia, her lack of English, and the time of surgery prepared us for the big day. We didn't need to be at the hospital (over an hour away) until 7:30 am but I decided to take Joy to the Ronald McDonald House the night before to make the morning easier. I was worried that she would not understand why she couldn't have anything to eat or drink. It is much easier to get up at the RM house, get dressed, and head right over to the hospital.

I was so glad I decided to go Wednesday night. As soon as we walked into the Ronald McDonald House, Joy totally got what was happening. "Joy, hospital, me?" she asked me. "Yes, Joy. Tonight we sleep here and then tomorrow we go to the hospital." Joy ate a big plate of macaroni and cheese and then we played awhile. She went to sleep and me, not so much.

Thursday morning, Bob drove over and picked us up around seven. We checked in right on time and went back to the surgery prep room. Joy is such a trooper, although you can see from the look on her face that she was a little apprehensive.

After I got woozy taking Joy into the cath lab in Boston, I definitely deferred to letting Dad accompany her into the operating room. Only one parent is allowed to wear Care*Bears. Isn't he the best Dad ever?  He came back about 10 minutes later and said she went to sleep just fine.

Forty five minutes later, both doctors, (ENT and Pulmonary) came out to talk to us. The surgery turned out to be a look-see! No cutting or removals. The ENT said everything in her upper airway was perfect. The Pulmonary guy said the lower airway was not as good. Joy has bronchomalacia which is weak cartilage in her bronchial tubes. This condition is sometimes present with congenital heart disease. Because her pulmonary hypertension has already compromised her lungs, this narrowing isn't making it any easier for her body to cope.

 

Post surgery went fine. We spent about an hour in recovery with a popsicle and the IPAD. For some reason, we ended up telling a little bit of our story and showing pictures to most of the nurses and doctors. Some shook their heads, others asked questions. You never know when you might be given the opportunity to inspire.

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect...1 Peter 3:15

Joy, trying to smile for the camera. She is so brave and hardly ever complains. The end result of the "look-see" is a watch and wait situation. Joy will go for another sleep study to be fitted for a CPAP machine to help keep those airways wide open at night, alleviating the stress on her heart and lungs. The good news is that some kids grow out of this condition and since Joy is the size of a three or four year old, hopefully this will hold true for her.

We were released from the hospital by noontime. I was glad as there are a lot of nasty germs in the hospital right now and better for Joy to be home where she belongs! 

China Hearts - Adoption Journey

Today was our turn to post at 28 Days of Hearts , a blog dedicated to telling the stories of 28 adoptive families, all with children from China who have some form of congenital heart disease. Many hearts have been repaired, some are in the hospital, and others, like Joshua and Joy, are still waiting. 

Joshua FanKang and Joy MeiNi

Adopting a child with life-threatening special needs is like volunteering to have your heart broken.” Dana

I cannot tell you how the seed was planted. This thing called adoption.

Our life was finally settling down after 10 years of foster care, ministering to many children and families, eventually saying yes to five children needing a place to call home.

Yet God kept calling. That small little persistent voice whispering, “You can do more because I AM asking you to. Open your heart!”

On paper the whole idea of adoption, never mind international adoption, was pretty ridiculous. We had eight kids. Our income was not enough by most measuring sticks.  Medication that was against the rules. Several adoption agencies turned us down. Only one agency stated we might adopt a child from Ethiopia above the age of seven. Oddly, instead of being discouraged, we waited and hoped.

One fine day in November of 2010, I came across his picture on the side of a blog. Heart jumped. Everyone agreed he was incredibly cute. Husband completely on board? Yes.

Head over to 28 Days of Hearts and read the rest of the story. We hope that others will be inspired by the stories told there. 

Adopting a child with heart disease is scary? Yes. 

Rewarding? More.

She Calls Me Mom

And that's okay.

With her Mom and her Dad and pretty much everybody else. 

 It's not a problem, it's a celebration!

 We were blessed to raise her through most of the firsts.

Food, sitting up, steps, words. 

A precious privilege.

 The siblings gained a bond that will not be easily broken.

Support that will be very important as they grow and learn and wonder why? 

Our time together is more limited now but no less important.

The girls like having each other. Actually, let's say they've made peace. 

 Matching dresses and a little ballet helps.

 One weekend a month we love up on our littlest girl 

who will always be a special part of our family.

Mommy and Daddy Bob love you sweet thing. 

And it's REALLY quiet here now that you are gone. 

I remember the first time someone else's child called me "Mom". Panic stricken, I went right to the therapist. I didn't want to usurp another's place in their child's life. Nor did I want to make a big deal about anything with a child who was already up against a myriad of struggles. Sometimes, the kids who called me "Mom" were fairly observant in that they would quickly learn that "Mom" would get my attention faster than "Jenny" or "Hey you" or pointing with a grunt. Others needed that security the name can give. What I learned for myself was that "Mom" is sometimes a name, sometimes a feeling, and most often it is both!  I treasure the children we were allowed to "mother" through very hard places, a time of separation from all they knew and those they loved. I will forever be grateful that we were a part of many children's lives and hopefully, in some small way, they might remember the love we shared.

Coming soon: My thoughts on open and closed adoption. It's hard both ways.

Forty Would Be Fine

We have a goal.
Forty pounds. 
When that happens there will be a paaaaar-teeeeee around here!

On September 3, 2011, Joshua came home at age eight weighing about 35 pounds.

His small size comes in handy. He fits in all sorts of spaces.

But what we are really looking for is a little muscle and FAT! We want Joshua to be able to grow and get a little taller. Right now, his heart is using up a lot of calories which doesn't leave much energy for anything else.

We were hoping to hit forty pounds after a year but that didn't happen. When we increased his diuretic, another pound slipped off.  We are having a hard time keeping Joshua at a stable weight never mind gaining. He has grown in height a bit and is following his own little curve. In order to keep that going, we decided to get a little more serious about calorie counting.

He is not a particularly picky eater. However, the typical fatty foods we serve in America don't fly with Joshua who had eight years on Chinese fare to fine tune his taste buds. He also does not like dairy or potatoes other than an occasional french fry.

Monday, we went to see a nutritionist after a referral from the gastroenterologist. What I realized is the better we make Joshua feel, the more active he is. The more active he is, the more calories he burns. See the problem? I thought his weight would go up over the winter being inside more but after boosting the diuretic, his energy level went through the roof.

Currently, Joshua weighs in around 38 pounds give or take a half pound on any given day. The nutritionist gave us some great ideas to get Joshua eating more nutrient dense and adding an extra 300 calories per day. She involved him in the discussion and gave us some tips on how to give him choices that he would be happy with.

Joshua has an amazing amount of energy considering his cyanotic heart condition.

Kloey said that if he could make forty pounds by her birthday in May, she would let him help cut her cake. How sweet is that? 

So here's to forty, the magic number which will result in a big celebration around here.

May it come sooner than later!!!

A Taste of China

Today, we went to Boston to begin our celebration of the Chinese New Year.

We began at the Children's Museum where we were treated to an interactive dance workshop. That big fellow in the back? That is my brother. He is the one that got the kids to go up and try the scarf dance with the age old trick, "If I go, will you go?" What a great guy!

Smallest to largest. 

I love how their legs seem to get longer and longer. 

They really are pretty much all the same size. 

 In case you were wondering, my children are not 100% compliant.

It's definitely monkey-see monkey-do!

We had a great time at the Children's Museum once we figured out which adult was willing to chase which kid. There were Chinese New Year crafts and performances which the kids loved. As morning became afternoon, we decided to head over to Chinatown for a late lunch.

 After my husband magnificently parallel parked Big Red on the street, 

we walked down a block in the swirling snow. 

Chinatown, here we come, ready or not!

 

 Phone booths may soon be obsolete. 

I loved this one with the Chinese writing.

 

Uncle Marc found a restaurant for us. The very best kind. This IS the restaurant with only one other booth that you can't see. We were the only eat-in patrons and got personal service from the host, who spoke very little English which was fine by us.

Waiting for the food. Each dish came out individually. I think they were making our plates one at a time as everything was piping hot and delicious.

 

 We would eat here again!

 Uncle Marc is an adventurer and ordered jellyfish. 

Just about everyone tried some and thought it was quite tasty.

Interestingly, I looked down at lunch and saw a bare leg. Joy hasn't done this since we were in China. Pulling her pant legs up is a sign of nervousness for her. She still doesn't understand a large percentage of what we say and has to trust that we will keep her safe. Today was probably a bit overwhelming. I can't wait until she can communicate a bit more and we can prepare her a lot better.

 After lunch, we walked through an Asian supermarket.
 Underneath these fish were live fish swimming in tanks. 

Take your pick, dead or alive!

 Joshua was in heaven! He was so excited. 

Although he did tell me that I was NOT to make him speak Mandarin to anyone.

He ran all over the store saying, "I've had this. In China we ate that." 

A few interesting items got into our cart like melon seeds and jelly cups.  

So grateful that Uncle Marc came to introduce us to Chinatown for the first time. 

Everyone should try a pig snout at least once, right?

What I Didn't Bargain On

We have adopted seven children and all but the last two came in age order. During our years as foster parents, we always felt very strongly about keeping our kids in birth order to alleviate the jealousy and tension that would inevitably arise. While some families integrate kids of all ages seamlessly, for our family age order seemed to work.

After we committed to adopting Micah (placed with us as an infant at 5 weeks) and eventually his brother Trey (came at 8 months of age, left and returned), we knew we were in this parenting thing for the long haul. Good-bye empty nest years. We will never know you but that's okay.  

Eight kids seemed like a good number. Things multiplied fast at the end there with the addition of two sibling groups. But we were left with a big six year gap between Cora and Trey. It just didn't seem right. 

We set out to fill in that gap and goodness but don't Joshua and Joy do that magnificently?

We aced the older adoption child workbooks. We had been through the fire with Kloey and Cora coming as older foster/adoptees. We felt reasonably prepared and ready to face whatever issues might come up by welcoming Joshua and Joy to our family.

But for me, a new wrinkle has emerged that I did not see coming.

All four of our younger kids are on about the same emotional level. 

Trey had quite a bit of upheaval in his first two years of life. Although Micah came to us early, he had a very rough start and an even rougher in-utero experience. Joshua was in foster care in China but returned to the orphanage once he was school age. Joy never lived anywhere but the orphanage. 

Even though they range in age from four to nine, they are all learning what it means to be part of a family at about the same time. For Micah and Trey, it is age appropriate laced with a few attachment issues. Joshua and Joy are playing relational catch up and probably will for awhile.

Honestly, some days this means that my lap is not big enough. 

But most days: Oh, the laughter and smiles, the hugs and tears, the rowdy play, shouting and singing, running and jumping! 

And just like when I had only two or three and felt overwhelmed, I remember that most importantly, they have each other, and most days that is more than good enough!  

Visiting The Farmer

I took a little trip this weekend.

My destination:  

halfway between the equator and the North pole; 

 the land of single digits and negative numbers; 

to see our oldest daughter in her neck of the woods.

When you visit the Farmer, you drive to the Canadian border and hang a right. In order to get to town from the farm, you drive over this bridge in no man's land between the Canadian and US border stations, giving you a split second of identity crisis.

After Erik loaded the pick-up, I drove up with the remainder of her stuff so she could officially move into her new place. The first order of business was putting the bed frame together.

This daughter of mine, the one with a degree in photography, doesn't appreciate being on this side of the camera. Probably my own fault since as the first and only child for four years, she humored me with countless poses.

Friday was her day off and we celebrated by hitting the movie theater. Now I am not one to diss anything, especially a five dollar movie, but this North country theater was an older model with painted plywood floors and lime green seats from the late 1900's.

We chose a middle row and settled in. I looked down and had a very hard time suppressing the giggles. I totally embarrassed my daughter by taking a picture. There at my feet was a piece of dental floss! Must be wicked popcorn up there near the border.

Can we be honest? Life on the farm is NOT kinda laid back. This is AM and I was dressed and had already consumed a large cup of coffee. My daughter asked me when the last time I was up at this hour AND productive. She's a joke-ster, that one.

A bunch of cute faces were waiting for breakfast!

They know when their momma walks in!

We are incredibly proud of our hard-working daughter!

Every barn has a cat, right? This one was permanently installed in front of the heater. It was about -7 on the outside and around 40 degrees inside the barn, practically balmy in comparison.

In the heifer business, milk is reconstituted. I don't think they care.

At three days they get their milk in buckets which they greedily slurp down.

The new babies still get it the old-fashioned way in a big old bottle.

Feeding bottles is fun! 

In the spirit of full disclosure, after morning chores I had to go lay down and take a nap. During the weekend we ate out a few more times including some to-die-for Chinese food from the Wok and Roll.

It is a wild experience to go visit one's adult daughter who is making her way in the world while you still have a four year old (and most everything in between) at home. An amazing stretch that I wouldn't trade for anything!

The picture doesn't do justice to the beautiful morning dawning in the North country as I headed home. The moon followed me for an hour until the sun took over the Eastern sky as I traveled south.

What a blessing to be able to spend time with my oldest and experience a bit of her life first hand! 

Although I was glad to be home, because after all home is where the heart is, I'm pretty sure I left a little piece of mine back on the farm.