The Best Blind Date Ever

Okay, truth be told, it was my one and only blind date. 

A few weeks ago, I flew to Florida and met up with a whole bunch of Jesus-loving-China-Moms.

Who I had never ever met before.

Except on the internet.

Glory be! 

It was a little scary. 

A flashback to junior high days all-over-again. 

Like, oh my, maybe I should dye my hair and try to lose a few pounds?

Or what if she doesn't like me?  'Cause you know the internet hides all the warts and stuff, right?

Well here is how it went a-la-airport.

My plane landed. We texted our positions. We planned a slow motion run towards each other complete with elevator music. Surely someone would be videoing this epic moment....

(Yes, this is what happens when you leave nine children for four days. Giddy and foolish, all day long.)

Truthfully, we recognized each other right away, skipped, hugged, and decided.

Real life makes real friends!

Sonia, the other mother of a Joshua, graciously invited me to attend the Empower to Connect conference.

What a blessing to have a chance to have a little time by myself, meet new friends, and go to an excellent conference ministering to foster and adoptive families.

It felt like the many classes I have taken over the last 10 years were rolled into one package and the brain biology of it all was clearly and concisely explained. 

I could have sat there for a week soaking up information. 

Successfully raising kids from hard places often throws the paradigm of how we parent a typical biological child right out the window.

Right before I left for Florida, I had a child stomping down the stairs spouting their sad in a very mad way. 

"You don't want me anyway."

Folks, this is seven years in. 

Seven years.

Attachment is a lifelong process. And we still have work to do. 

She admitted she didn't mean it when we talked about it later. 

But I find in every outburst a grain of truth and a peek into the heart of a hurt and scared child.  

My takeaway from the conference was CONNECT. 

The connection is and has to be primary. 

Compassion and correction can follow.

Way different than the "you behave and then we will talk" variation we have used for years. 

There is always something new to learn and I commend Dr. Karyn Purvis for her diligent work in attachment and behavioral therapy. I loved her book, The Connected Child, mostly because it addresses the specific needs of kids adopted from all sorts of situations.

Every once in awhile it feels good to know that we are not alone in our struggles to parent children from hard places. 

Sonia, my wonderful host, has a post up about what she learned at E2C including pictures of me at IKEA. That was the dessert of the weekend, a trip to the Swedish store where I educated Sonia on the finer points of the heritage Peter-S-O-N and yes dear one, I love the meatballs. 

I got to surprise and hug the neck of a dear blog friend, Dawn, who has a series of thoughtful posts on the conference. Her blog was one of the first I found that gave me a huge sigh of relief when I saw her eight (now nine) adopted children.

Spending time talking to Lori McCary was an absolute highlight as she waits for her dear daughter Rachel to get her new heart. 

Meeting Stacie and hearing her story of adopting an aging out teenager from China was inspiring and heart breaking all at the same time. 

I also got to see what life on a military base was like and meet Alicia, one of Sonia's friends who has adopted a sweet little boy from China. 

Grateful to my family allowing me some time off to learn and hopefully be a better mother for it.