I Blew It - Not Quite What We Planned

Monday, me and seven of my besties set off for the city to start the next round of doctor appointments for Joshua. We spent 2 hours looking at the parking lot. The doctors, they came and went. They went and came. We debated. They called the GI doctor. They called cardiology. Finally, with several lab orders and a plan, we headed off to the hospital to have some blood drawn.

Some of the older kids stayed in the van with Micah while he was sleeping. They would come into the waiting room after he woke up. They FREAKED out when they saw the pictures of the parking lot and thought I was watching them the whole time. Wonder what they were up to.....mostly eating every snack they could find and playing with the GPS.

Whoever makes the visual signs ought to have a proud moment. As I was checking in, getting our frequent flyer blue card for the hospital, I glanced over to see my four year old rubbing his hands together and practicing how to Keep Germs to Yourself!

 He very quickly engaged his brothers in a learning activity.

On our way out, we crossed paths with a therapy dog whose owner was more than happy to give us some time. It was a Goldendoodle named Gypsy and had hair so I let Trey pet him. That didn't work out so well, we had asthma crop up later. Now we know, he's allergic to ALL dogs.

Usually we head over to the Children's Museum after Joshua's appointments and today was no exception. EXCEPT, Mommy forgot that the Children's Museum is not open on Mondays. Boo. Bad mommy.

You know you have great kids and must be doing something right when seven of your besties can roll with that punch and roll they did. We got silly and laughed and had fun anyway. We rolled down the window at a stop light and took a picture for our resident cow expert knowing that it was "book of face" worthy.

Secondary to the Children's Museum is the buffet. With some Christmas gifted money, we treated ourselves to dinner out. The kids all tried an ICEE for the first time, EVER. Really? They assured me they had never tried a blue, red, or coke flavored ice drink before.

Excuse me, but if you don't believe in food dye reactions, then you can take seven kids out to eat and let them have as much blue ICEE as they want. Heck, you might even let them try all three colors like I did. I was still feeling the bad mommy blues about the Children's Museum being closed so I went with being the "Yes" mommy for the night.

Our table got a little busy after that. 


We had exactly eight bathroom trips during our tenure at the buffet. Certain little boys visited the loo more than once. In fact, at one point, there was a poopy potty party going on as production of matter was being compared between stalls. A particular pre-teen girl was heard shushing and telling her brothers to ZIP it up. Like lock it up and throw away the key. Apparently, she didn't think all the old ladies (hey, when you are eleven, they all look old) wanted to hear about poop consistency. Once back to the table, she pretty much said never again. Good thing I have some subs warming up in the pen.

Micah spent a good 10 minutes staring at a little girl a few tables over. What am I supposed to do about that? He's three for crying out loud.

We made it home safe and sound by bed time. Oddly enough, Micah dragged this blankie around all day. He's never been particularly attached but today he dragged it through the hospital and the food warehouse and played with it in the car. You only live once so go for it little guy!

Can you feel my pain? We weren't even done yet and the silly pump shut me down, like a bartender who thought I'd been drinking too much. I really shouldn't let Big Red get so thirsty.

Random Life

I've had a few heavy posts this week. 

Time to throw in the randomness of life in these parts.

Practicing the piano gets tricky when the cat wants to get in on the action.

Watch out if you leave water sitting around.

You know you are a blogger when your kids drag 

you to the bathroom to take a picture of this.

My brother went to Chinese New Year and 

brought us this cool fruit from the market.

Joshua was delighted and excitedly dug in.

Thanks, Uncle Marc.

This man gets down and plays a mean game of whatever is on the menu.

With whoever needs him!

 February mud?

 They were rolling in it.

And having a grand old time!

Miss R came this weekend for her visit.

We all love our time together.

She is all "TWO."

When I come across scenes like this, I bolt for my camera. 

I want to remember the good times. 

These sibs.

This love.

Today, She Let Me In

Up she comes with shoulders slumped and head down.  She sits down. One of those days.

I commit the mortal sin and take the quickest route to failure, again, saying: "Honey, what's wrong?"

No eyes. No sound. No Nothing. More prying produces hidden tears and snuffles.

I'm failing. I don't have the right words to help. We've been here before many times.

Why can't we get past this private pain, a pain so deep and silent that I cannot pretend to understand?

The phone rings and the unexpected results in a car ride. I invite her along. Now a captive audience, I remind her how much her Dad and I love her. That we would do anything for her.

As she looks out the window, the tears roll. We talk about bad dreams. Of loss. The grief of what's lost coupled with a gripping fear of losing more is JUST.TOO.MUCH.

Finally after so many years, she is finding words for those tumultuous feelings locked inside.

And she let me in. For a moment. Into the private pain of her world of grief and loss that I respect but will never completely understand. Because it didn't happen to me.

 Today our bond was strengthened.

She trusts me a little more than before.

This work we do, the dance we dance, is a lifelong journey.

I'm in and I hope to stay.

Tomorrow? 

Will be another day.

When Is Enough?

Will it ever be enough? This life I live? Is it even possible to do more?

So often, I am haunted by that feeling, that aching inside.

Seeing with my own eyes the huge needs in China and too many hopeful waiting faces.

When I visit the Projects and see the life my friends have "chosen" with seemingly no way out.

Waiting in line at our community outreach supper,  I chat with the woman holding her cleft baby who hasn't gained any weight in the 6 weeks since birth, her sixth child, a fragile, tiny, beautiful little girl, my heart sighs.

The hungry, disabled, elderly, neglected.

Needs everywhere and my soul is plucked like a guitar string. 

Then the world says:

"You've got your hands full."

"You saved adopted plenty of kids."

"Take care of the ones you have."

"You don't have time."

"There's no extra money at the end of this month."

"You've done so much already."

Excuses.

Yes, I guard my family time with zeal.

Husband, homeschooling, public school, special needs, medically fragile, big kids life-launching, church, friends, and family.

But we are constantly on the lookout for how God will use us in the doing.

Yet somehow, the more I do, the bigger the ache grows.

I was reminded on this blog the other day about the heart of Katie Davis.  

"I have learned that I will not change the world. Jesus will do that. I can, however, change the world for one person. So I keep stopping and loving one person at a time. Because that is my call as a Christian."

- Katie Davis 

Beautiful words to live by. Thank you, Katie for living out what you believe, for heeding the call.

And what does God require of us?

Do justice.

Love kindness.

Walk humbly with your God.  

                                                      Micah 6:8

One person at a time.

Pictures of the Week 2/5-2/11

 I definitely had to work on focusing on the positive this week.

I love the saying: "This too shall pass."

A proverb indicating that all material conditions, 

positive or negative, are temporary.

Super Bowl

36 / 365

Being cable-less, this is what we got. 

Listening to the Super Bowl on the IPOD. 

Seems so old fashioned in a 

technologically advanced kind of way.

Vital Statistics

37 / 365

Last piece of paperwork for our China 

adoption was applied for today.

Not Good!

38 / 365

Not good at all. The tire fell off going 55 mph down the road. 

That was a first my 18 year old son endured by himself. 

He is safe and unharmed but quite shook up.

East Meets West

39 / 365

We are all getting pretty good at our chopsticks 

but J-Man is definitely the best!

A Day Off

40 / 365

Took the day off, literally. 

The kids were so good and brought me presents and cards. 

Been a long time since I laid in bed all day.

The Cell

41 / 365

We have made a lot of cells over the years but this might be my favorite. 

Cornstarch, water, a marble magnet, marshmallows, and blueberry jam.

Smile

42 / 365

Our visiting two year old. Love her.

The Beauty in Adoption

EVERYDAY

I feel overwhelming gratefulness of gifts given.

Three little faces 

As different as can be

Come running

Always excited to see me.

The beauty of adoption is that I don't see brown or white or almond eyes. I see three brothers briefly gifted to love, mold, and nurture.

 We capture special moments when we can.

Even if it's on a stool in the middle of the kitchen.

 Imagination encouraged means upside-down piled-up furniture.

 Silliness prevails often.

 And the love of family is better caught than taught.

Adoption Agency Extraordinaire

I cannot believe it's been a whole year since we began our journey to Joshua.

Somebody asked what adoption agency we used to bring Joshua home from China.

Original Referral Pic - The one that caught my eye!!!

I can't say enough good things about Children's Home Society & Family Services.


 

They held my hand through every step and always got right back to me. This was huge!

The USA social worker who "vetted" us was fabulous and clearly cared about "her" kids. She asked hard (and fair) questions. She also went to bat for us as a non-traditional family. 

The China team answered all the dumb questions I had, sometimes more than once. Our in country experience was wonderful. We were well taken care of.

While I cannot compare any other international adoption agencies, I did have the experience of working with state foster and adoption units. We were used to being looked at inside and out; I think it made the process a bit easier. 

So thumbs up for Children's Home Society (CHSFS). Highly recommended.

They recently asked if they could republish a blog post about Joshua because they thought it represented a balanced approach to the realities of adopting a medically fragile child. What a privilege to think that our experience might encourage someone else.

Thank you, Miss K, Sarah W., and everyone at Children's Home Society and Family Services, for helping to make our family complete.

It's like we were waiting for Joshua and he was waiting for us.

He LOVES being part of a family.

And we certainly love him. 

I think he got me at the first smile!!!

A New Adventure

I don't have a baby this year. 

No adoption looming.

What next?

I think there will be quite a bit of moving, lugging, and tugging.

At this new - old house!

Because these cuties are moving in. 

For the summer. 

People keep asking me how I feel about it.

You see, I haven't lived near my parents since I left for college. 

And that's more than 25 years. 

We've seen each other once or twice a year.

Taken vacations together. 

Talked on the phone and emailed, 

after that was invented.

But living in the same town?

I couldn't be happier!!!

In the spirit of family, I get to help paint the kitchen.

Making progress,

Brought the girls to "help".

They kept me company and definitely 

didn't let me loose track of time.

Grandma, Kloey wants you to know that it took her 

exactly one hour to vacuum your whole house.

What fun we will have this summer because 

there are big plans for the playhouse.

A yard and gardens to romp in.

 We expect to have lots of family good times!

 And more music....

In the backyard.

The adventure begins.

And I'm thrilled.

A Little Scary

Here is the "good side" of our older 2002 Chevy van. This workhorse of a vehicle has never failed to get me where I needed to go whether sleet, snow, or rain. It is a tank and incredibly stable in the New England weather. I have always felt safe which is why we gave the old girl to our son to drive back and forth from school this year.  It's rusty and used but has a certain patina of well worn usefulness.

About 5:00 pm last night, I got a call from my son. One of those heart dropping calls. "Um, Mom, you need to call a tow truck because the wheel fell off." Say what?

He was on his way home going around 55 mph when the lug nuts snapped and off went the tire, rolling away into the woods.  He managed to stop the car and get it off the road safely although I imagine that was an intense 20-30 seconds. I am grateful that he was alone in the car and that he is okay except for a few sore muscles. He learned a few lessons in car care and what to do in the event of an accident. 

The van may have met its final demise, the point of no return.

Jury is still out.

Hold on, I think the junk yard is on the other line.....