Heart of Balance

Yesterday, we got mail. A very unexpected package arrived from our social worker. She just returned from a trip to China. I did not know she was stopping by Hangzhou.

Joshua sent us pictures that he colored.

A video was in the package too.

"Hello Mama and Baba."

"I miss you."

"When are you coming to take me home?"

OH. MY. HEART.
Is this our son with his mommy, daddy, and his house under a rainbow?

After I watched the video for the umpteenth time, one of my children said...

"You love him more than us."

Knock the wind right out of me why don't you.

A few weeks ago a different kid said....

"You are always looking at everything China, China, China."

Out of the mouths of babes.

It is really hard to be "pregnant" with a seven year old who is ill and lives on the other side of the world. A mother's heart longs to hold her child, to try and make it better, to comfort and love him.

It would be fair to say that the paper chase has consumed me at times over the past few months. I HAVE spent a lot of time reading blogs of heart kids and kids adopted from China. One thing I am realizing is that life will not ever be the same after Joshua comes home. We don't know what that looks like, but it will be different. His illness may consume our family life for a time. Finding a new normal will be a challenge, an exciting challenge. Language barrier, illness, restrictions, medications balanced with the regular needs of our family life seems daunting at times, I won't lie.

Clearly the changes coming are already affecting our other kids.

Time to rally as a family and remember that God has a purpose for the path that He is leading us down.

Of that, I'm sure.



He leadeth me, O blessèd thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

Refrain

He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful follower I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, over troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.

Refrain

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.

Refrain

And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me.

Refrain